» Site Map
» Home Page
» Find Friends – Search Old Service and Genealogy Records
» QAIMNS for India
» QAIMNS First World War
» Territorial Force Nursing Service TFNS
» WW1 Soldiers Medical Records
» Field Ambulance No.4
» Chain of Evacuation of Wounded Soldiers
» War Graves Nurses
» Book of Remembrance
» Example of Mentioned in Despatches Letter
» Love Stories
» World War 1 Letters
» QA World War Two
» Africa Second World War
» War Diaries of Sisters
» D Day Normandy Landings
» Belsen Concentration Camp
» Voluntary Aid Detachment
» National Service
» Korean War
» Gulf War
» Op Telic
» Royal Red Cross Decoration
» Colonels In Chief
» Director Army Nursing Services (DANS)
» Colonel Commandant
» Matrons In Chief (QAIMNS)
Follow us on Twitter:
» Grey and Scarlet Corps March
» Order of Precedence
» QA Memorial National Arboretum
» NMA Heroes Square Paving Stone
» Memorial Window
» Army Medical Services Monument
» Recruitment Posters
» QA Association
» QA and AMS Prayer and Hymn
Former Army Hospitals
» Army Chest Unit
» Cowglen Glasgow
» CMH Aldershot
» DKMH Catterick
» Duke of Connaught Unit Northern Ireland
» Endell Street
» Hospital Ghosts
» King George Military Hospital Stamford Street London
» QA Centre
» QAMH Millbank
» QEMH Woolwich
» Musgrave Park Belfast
» Royal Chelsea Hospital
» Royal Herbert
» Royal Brighton Pavilion Indian Hospital
» School of Physiotherapy
» Ambulance Trains
» Hospital Barges
» Ambulance Flotilla
» Hospital Ships
» TPMH RAF Akrotiri
» Bowen Road
» Mount Kellett
» Wylie Road Kings Park
Overseas Old British Military Hospitals
» BMH Malta
Army and Nurse Jokes
Collection of Army and Nurse Jokes about nursing and the military:
This First World War army joke comes from Merdeka whose review can be read on the Books about Army page:
The Commanding Officer of the Battalion was preparing his men and sent this silent message to be passed quietly between his troops so that the final man could run to the Command Post:
”Send reinforcements we’re going to advance.”
The words got corrupted going down the trench until the final soldier heard the message:
“Send three and four pence we’re going to a dance!”
Psychiatric Nurse Jokes
An inspecting Brigadier decides to visit the psychiatric ward of an army hospital. He wants to show an interest in the unit and asks the nurse how they decide if a soldier needs to be admitted as a patient or just seen in out patients.
"Well," says the QA psychiatric nurse, "we fill the bath with water and give the squaddie a mess tin and a spoon. He or she is then asked to empty the bath."
"Ah I see!" exclaims the Brigadier, "A normal person would use the mess tin because it is larger and will take less time to empty the bath."
"No Sir" sighs the psychiatric nurse, "A sane person would pull the bath plug. I'll get your bed ready Sir!"
The QA nurse was taking the blood pressure and pulse of a squaddie who was recovering from an operation. Still groggy from the anaesthetic he asked her: Are my testicles black?
She thought this an odd request but thought that perhaps he was worried his assets had been trapped on the operating theatre, so she pocked her head under the sheets and had a quick look. She told him how nice they were and had a lovely pink colour.
Recovering a bit more the soldier stopped mumbling and with a surprised look asked: No you naughty nurse, are my test results back?
This nursing joke is from a true story cited in Surviving Tenko: The Story of Margot Turner. The nurse telling it recalls her nervousness when newly working in the operating theatre. She had difficulty hearing the surgeon’s words through his mask. When he asked her to “Fetch the proctoscope” she “heard it as something else and came trotting faithfully back with the white coat of the night porter which I had dragged off his indignant back.”
I have published a book which tells the story of The Grey Lady Ghost of the Cambridge Military Hospital which reveals her origins in the QAIMNS and where she meets a QA veteran of Afghanistan. She still walks her wards and tells her story by taking Scott Grey, a QARANC nurse, to the battlefields of World War One and beyond. This is the first in the series of Grey and Scarlet Novels by CG Buswell. Read the first chapter for free.
If you like this page and would like to easily share it with your friends and family please use the social networking buttons below:
A new QA nurse meets a patient who is a Corporal in the Royal Artillery. She is confused by his rank of Bombardier and does not know how to pronounce the word. So she say hello and asks What do i call you?
No need to pronounce the Bombar bit nurse!
The following military joke is from the book A Few Deeds Short of a Hero and cheekily describes the three special skills needed to become a PTI (Physical Training Instructor) - the strength of a carthorse, the speed of a racehorse and the brains of a rocking horse!
This army joke is from World War One:
In no-man’s land there was a German stuck in the mud and only his face and the top of his spiked helmet could be seen. A British Tommy took pity on him and crawled out to help pull him out. He managed to get a rope around the German’s chest and safely crawled back to the safety of his trench where he got his pals to help pull the stuck German.
After the squad heaved for ten minutes the Tommy shouted across:
"Sorry Fritz, we can’t seem to shift you."
The German soldier replied:
"Would it help if I took my feet out of the stirrups!"
If you have a nurse or army joke or cartoon, especially jokes and cartoons about QARANC (Queen Alexandra's Royal Army Nursing Corps) then please feel free to contact me and I'll happily put them on this page for other QA's and civilian nurses to enjoy. Please keep them clean - I blush easily at rude jokes!
Forces War Records
Forces War Records are a genealogy site where you can find military records of over 6 million British Armed Forces personnel cross matched with over 4000 Regiments, Bases and Ships. This link includes a free search and a special discount of 40% off membership offer for visitors who use the discount code AF40 if they decide to become a member.
Search Now. A unique feature is their WW1 Soldiers Medical Records section.
If you would like to contribute to this page, suggest changes or inclusions to this website or would like to send me a photograph then please e-mail me.
Official QARANC webpage.
QA Association website.
In The Company of Nurses Book.
This army joke is one of our favourite play on words:
Did you hear about the squaddie who went into the canteen and ate all the puddings?
He got sent to Colchester MTCC for dessertion.
Don Johnson late Royal Army Medical Corps gave us this classic nursing joke:
In the operating theatre, the patient was lying on the table when there was a scream. The surgeon looked and snapped; "Nurse, I told you to remove his SPECTACLES"
Don shares his fascinating memories of his time serving in British Military Hospitals on the BMH Nairobi, Colchester Military Hospital, BMH Nicosia, Royal Herbert and Ghosts pages.
The Grey Lady Ghost of the Cambridge Military Hospital Novel - a Book by CG Buswell
Read our posts on:
Free Waterloo Campaign Medal
» Become An Army Nurse
» Junior Ranks
» Officer Ranks
» Service Numbers
Ministry of Defence Hospital Units
» MDHU Derriford
» MDHU Frimley Park
» MDHU Northallerton
» MDHU Peterborough
» MDHU Portsmouth
» RCDM Birmingham
» Camp Bastion Field Hospital and Medical Treatment Facility MTF Helmand Territory Southern Afghanistan
» TA Field Hospitals and Field Ambulances
» Florence Nightingale Plaque
» Why QA's Wear Grey
» Lapel Pin Badge
» Army School of Psychiatric Nursing Silver Badge
» Cap Badge
» Corps Belt
» ID Bracelet
» Silver War Badge WWI
» Officer's Cloak
» QAIMNSR Tippet
» Officer Medal
» Armed Forces Day
» Recreated WWI Ward
» Corps Day
» Freedom of Rushmoor
» Re-enactment Groups
» Military Events
» AMS Carol Service
» QARANC Association Pilgrimage to Singapore and Malaysia 2009
» Doctors and Nurses at War
» War and Medicine Exhibition
» QA Uniform Exhibition Nothe Fort Weymouth
» Dame Margot Turner
» Dame Maud McCarthy
» Military Medal Awards To QAs
» Moment of Truth TV Documentary
» Sean Beech
International Nurses Day
» Site Map
We are seeking help with some answers to questions sent by readers. These can be found on the Army Nursing page.
» Find QA's
» Teddy Bears
» Pin Badges
» Wall Plaques
» Fridge Magnet
» The Abandoned Soldier
|© Site contents copyright QARANC.co.uk 2006 - 2015 All rights reserved.