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Army and Nurse Jokes
Collection of Army and Nurse Jokes about nursing and the military:
This First World War army joke comes from Merdeka whose review can be read on the Books about Army page:
The Commanding Officer of the Battalion was preparing his men and sent this silent message to be passed quietly between his troops so that the final man could run to the Command Post:
”Send reinforcements we’re going to advance.”
The words got corrupted going down the trench until the final soldier heard the message:
“Send three and four pence we’re going to a dance!”
Psychiatric Nurse Jokes
An inspecting Brigadier decides to visit the psychiatric ward of an army hospital. He wants to show an interest in the unit and asks the nurse how they decide if a soldier needs to be admitted as a patient or just seen in out patients.
"Well," says the QA psychiatric nurse, "we fill the bath with water and give the squaddie a mess tin and a spoon. He or she is then asked to empty the bath."
"Ah I see!" exclaims the Brigadier, "A normal person would use the mess tin because it is larger and will take less time to empty the bath."
"No Sir" sighs the psychiatric nurse, "A sane person would pull the bath plug. I'll get your bed ready Sir!"
The QA nurse was taking the blood pressure and pulse of a squaddie who was recovering from an operation. Still groggy from the anaesthetic he asked her: Are my testicles black?
She thought this an odd request but thought that perhaps he was worried his assets had been trapped on the operating theatre, so she pocked her head under the sheets and had a quick look. She told him how nice they were and had a lovely pink colour.
Recovering a bit more the soldier stopped mumbling and with a surprised look asked: No you naughty nurse, are my test results back?
This nursing joke is from a true story cited in Surviving Tenko: The Story of Margot Turner. The nurse telling it recalls her nervousness when newly working in the operating theatre. She had difficulty hearing the surgeon’s words through his mask. When he asked her to “Fetch the proctoscope” she “heard it as something else and came trotting faithfully back with the white coat of the night porter which I had dragged off his indignant back.”
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My PTSD assistance dog, Lynne, and I have written a book about how she helps me with my military Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, anxiety, and depression. I talk about my time in the QAs and the coping strategies I now use to be in my best health.
Along the way, I have had help from various military charities, such as Help for Heroes and The Not Forgotten Association and royalties from this book will go to them and other charities like Bravehound, who paired me with my four-legged best friend.
I talk openly about the death of my son by suicide and the help I got from psychotherapy and counselling and grief charities like The Compassionate Friends.
The author, Damien Lewis, said of Lynne:
"A powerful account of what one dog means to one man on his road to recovery. Both heart-warming and life-affirming. Bravo Chris and Lynne. Bravo Bravehound."
Buy the Paperback.
This beautiful QARANC Poppy Pin Badge is available from the Royal British Legion Poppy Shop.
For those searching military records, for information on a former nurse of the QAIMNS, QARANC, Royal Red Cross, VAD and other nursing organisations or other military Corps and Regiments, please try Genes Reunited where you can search for ancestors from military records, census, birth, marriages and death certificates as well as over 673 million family trees. At GenesReunited it is free to build your family tree online and is one of the quickest and easiest ways to discover your family history and accessing army service records.
Another genealogy website which gives you access to military records and allows you to build a family tree is Find My Past which has a free trial.
A new QA nurse meets a patient who is a Corporal in the Royal Artillery. She is confused by his rank of Bombardier and does not know how to pronounce the word. So she say hello and asks What do i call you?
No need to pronounce the Bombar bit nurse!
The following military joke is from the book A Few Deeds Short of a Hero and cheekily describes the three special skills needed to become a PTI (Physical Training Instructor) - the strength of a carthorse, the speed of a racehorse and the brains of a rocking horse!
This army joke is from World War One:
In no-man’s land there was a German stuck in the mud and only his face and the top of his spiked helmet could be seen. A British Tommy took pity on him and crawled out to help pull him out. He managed to get a rope around the German’s chest and safely crawled back to the safety of his trench where he got his pals to help pull the stuck German.
After the squad heaved for ten minutes the Tommy shouted across:
"Sorry Fritz, we can’t seem to shift you."
The German soldier replied:
"Would it help if I took my feet out of the stirrups!"
If you have a nurse or army joke or cartoon, especially jokes and cartoons about QARANC (Queen Alexandra's Royal Army Nursing Corps) then please feel free to contact me and I'll happily put them on this page for other QA's and civilian nurses to enjoy. Please keep them clean - I blush easily at rude jokes!
Former Royal Air Force Regiment Gunner Jason Harper witnesses a foreign jet fly over his Aberdeenshire home. It is spilling a strange yellow smoke. Minutes later, his wife, Pippa, telephones him, shouting that she needs him. They then get cut off. He sets straight out, unprepared for the nightmare that unfolds during his journey. Everyone seems to want to kill him.
Along the way, he pairs up with fellow survivor Imogen. But she enjoys killing the living dead far too much. Will she kill Jason in her blood thirst? Or will she hinder his journey through this zombie filled dystopian landscape to find his pregnant wife?
The Fence is the first in this series of post-apocalyptic military survival thrillers from the torturous mind of former British army nurse, now horror and science fiction novel writer, C.G. Buswell.
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If you would like to contribute to this page, suggest changes or inclusions to this website or would like to send me a photograph then please e-mail me.
This army joke is one of our favourite play on words:
Did you hear about the squaddie who went into the canteen and ate all the puddings?
He got sent to Colchester MTCC for dessertion.
Don Johnson late Royal Army Medical Corps gave us this classic nursing joke:
In the operating theatre, the patient was lying on the table when there was a scream. The surgeon looked and snapped; "Nurse, I told you to remove his SPECTACLES"
Don shares his fascinating memories of his time serving in British Military Hospitals on the BMH Nairobi, Colchester Military Hospital, BMH Nicosia, Royal Herbert and Ghosts pages.
Funny Nurse Cartoon Picture.
The death of the Brotherhood will be avenged.
RAF gunner Jason Harper and a team of Special Air Service operators are enraged after the death of their brothers by a terrorist drone strike. They fly into south-eastern Yemen on a Black-op mission to gather intelligence and avenge the death of their comrades.
Can they infiltrate the Al-Queda insurgents' camp, stay undetected, and call down their own drone missile strike and get home safely?
Will they all survive to fight another day?
Operation Wrath is a free, fast-paced adventure prequel to the non-stop action The Fence series by military veteran author C.G. Buswell.
Download for free on any device and read today.
This website is not affiliated or endorsed by The Queen Alexandra's Royal Army Nursing Corps (QARANC) or the Ministry of Defence.
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